Obama Says Gay Couples Deserve Rights, Just Not Right Now

Obama gingerly endorsed the rights of gay people, if they’d only wait a few more years or like a decade or two tops.  I’m pretty sure this is verbatim you guys:

With cat-like tread, President Obama praised New York state lawmakers who were debating landmark legislation to legalize gay love and Jesus (to be balanced). As expected the president stopped short of committing to supporting equal rights, choosing instead to say “We’ll totally come back to this in 4 to 20 years”.

The president’s views on same-sex marriage are a sore point with gay supporters and even hetero supporters who’ve otherwise warmed to Obama. The president has said his views are “evolving,” but he needs more time to reconcile respect for human rights and equality with his desire to court religious voters who hate him for being black.

As Obama spoke at a Manhattan fundraiser for the people whose rights he needs time to recognize, a handful of pro-gay marriage protesters shouted out “marriage!”.  And Obama said, “I heard you guys, I just don’t want to take a risky stand.  On anything really.  Haven’t you people caught on yet?  I don’t like risk.  It makes me break out.”.  The president never directly mentioned gay marriage instead choosing more neutral terms like “homo-erotic unions” and “marriages that make baby Jesus cry”.

“I believe that gay couples deserve the same legal rights as every other couple in this country,” the president said “just not for a few years.”.

Obama said progress will be slower than some people want, but he added that he was confident that there will be a day “when every single American, gay or straight or lesbian or bisexual or transgender, is free to live and love as they see fit.  I just don’t no if I think every single American ought to be free to live and love as they see fit yet.  My views on that are still evolving.”

“Traditionally marriage has been decided by the states and right now I understand there’s a little debate going on here in New York,” he said to laughter. New York’s lawmakers, he said, are “doing exactly what democracies are supposed to do.  In fact I’ve long been a supporter of the states rights”

Debate on the measure continued into the night at the statehouse, and the outcome was uncertain.

Obama said there were those who shouted at him at events about other causes of the gay community, such as the need for anti-hate crimes legislation and for the repeal of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” ban on openly gay military service, and both of those have since been achieved.  “So keep shouting, eventually I’ll cave.  In the meantime I’m going to go meet with Republicans and pretend its possible to address our deadly budget issues and still give rich people the massive tax cuts they’ve come to expect.”

Obama also has won favor by instructing the Justice Department to stop defending in court a law defining marriage as between a man and a woman, after spending the start of his presidency instructing them to defend that same law.

Obama told of receiving a letter last year from a teenager in a small town. He said the boy was a senior in high school who was gay and was afraid to come out. The boy wondered to the president why gays shouldn’t be equal like everyone else.  The president wrote back “Look, I’ve got to get elected in 2012, and I’ve already sold out women’s rights for my tepid health care law, so now its time for the gay community to take one for the team.  You guys can die for your country now, you just can’t get married or adopt or whatever.”

“So, yes, we have more work to do,” Obama said. “Yes, we have more progress to make. Yes, I expect continued impatience with me on occasion.  Or every day.  I don’t care.  I’m the boss.”

(note: heavily edited for searing political impact!)

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Why This Modern World is Daily Reading

It was my first blog!  (That I read on a regular basis).  It still is a daily read.  Why?

Tom Tomorrow is brilliant:

Reality continues to outpace satire<!––>

Tonight on O’Reilly:

Tuesday, August 12:
Obama bombarded by personal attacks. Are they legit? Ann Coulter comments

There is this natural absurdity to the structure and expression of modern right wing rhetoric.

The idea of a John Stewart or Stephen Colbert running for office is not an utterly alien one.  A politician who could master the dynamic and effective use of humor to unhinge arguments would have some pretty powerful advantages in a debate.

Obama Shifts on Change, Says he Might Back Status Quo

SINCERITY BEACH, Fla. — Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said Friday he would be willing to support much of the status quo if that’s what it takes to push some of his minor ideas for changes through Congress.

Shifting from his clarion call for change, the Illinois senator told a Florida newspaper he could get behind a compromise with Republicans on just about anything.

Republican rival John McCain, who earlier dropped his last remaining moral, has been criticizing Obama on the stump and in broadcast ads for literally being Britney Spears in disguise. Polls indicate these attacks have helped McCain gain ground on Obama, though at the apparent cost of his waning lucidity.

“My interest is in making sure we balance my call for “Change We Can Believe In” with “Compromise That Gets Part of That Change Enacted”.  We’ve got the kind of bland middle of the road appeal that reaches out to most Americans,” Obama said in an interview with The Palm Beach Post.

“For example, the right to vote.  If, in order to get legislation passed to address the mockery its become, we have to compromise in terms of losing voter verified voting, or practices that disenfranchise minorities, _ I don’t want to be so rigid that we can’t get something done.”

“Plus my opponent is George Bush’s illegitimate time-child.”  Added the Senator.

Asked about Obama’s comment, McCain said, “We need civil rights and we need it now offshore. Our government has consistently opposed it for ordinary Americans. We have opposed citizen empowerment.  Obama has partially opposed these efforts.  What was the question again?  We’re bombing Iran next.” The GOP candidate said Obama doesn’t have a plan equal to the nation’s many challenges.

In Congress, both parties have fought bitterly over national policy for weeks, with Republicans pressing for more infringements on civil rights and Democrats railing publicly and compromising privately. Despite hundreds of hours of House and Senate floor debate, lawmakers will leave Washington for their five-week summer hiatus this week with an empty tank.

Confused and hurt citizens are advised to use this time wisely to rest and take stock of the situation.

CA: Liberty Counsel and Marriage for Christians Only

The Liberty Counsel has issued a brave and bold call for marriage to be limited to opposite sex couples (via Pandagon):

The desperation of the wingnuts to stop the launch of legal same-sex marriage in California next week is now laughable at this point.

Today Liberty Counsel is filing a petition requesting the California Court of Appeal to stay the issuance of marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

…This case is far from over. We will not give up. The people will have the final say on marriage.

In the interests of preserving the sanctity of marriage, believers in the one true religion have taken the extra step of adding in a measure to the ballot to limit all marriages to Christian Marriages.

Right Reverend Matthew Staver was blunt in his assessment of the “Heathen” problem:

“We’ve been polite long enough.  I think we’ve established, with majority support in California I might add, that we can base the rights of all on the religion of the majority.  The next logical step is to stop pretending that Jewish, Muslim, or even (have mercy) Hindu marriages are not sanctified by our lord Jesus Christ.  The fact is nonbelievers are committing a sin even more deadly than sodomy by rejecting God’s only son, and the one path towards salvation.  Frankly I’m not even sure they should be allowed to adopt.”

Matt was confident his efforts would pay off, and with echoes of Virginia in 2006, those about to lose their marriage rights seemed to concur:

“The Tanakh clearly states sodomy was punished by He on Most High.  If we have to avoid marriage to keep gay people from getting married, meh” said Ben (declined to give last name).  “The Koran forbids homosexuality.  That is the most important thing.” said (asked not to be named).

Is California poised to unite Church and State in holy matrimony?  The Liberty Counsel is down on one knee…

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McCain: No You Can’t

Hot on the heals of discovering one McCain satire music video, I find another one at WriteChic Press:

Barely Political put this parody together today with the help of the extraordinary Lee Stranahan and Alan Bernhoft. It’s edgier than the parody put out by the LA comics.

It makes its point with a lot more power:

This will be something to refer back to in the general election.

  • Can I get affordable health care?
  • Can I use medical marijuana if I’m in pain?
  • Can I pay my mortgage?
  • Can I get married if I’m Gay?
  • Can I come home from Iraq?

With John McCain as President you know the answer, if not the reason why: “No You Can’t“.

Are Gay Soldiers Too Tempting Mr Smith?

Like most red-stated Americans, pundit Mark Smith is concerned about his latent homosexual libido.  If he were in the military with teh Gays, he is worried he couldn’t stop himself from jumping them for an energetic round of filthy man sex.  And right he is!

The problem is two fold.  On the one hand, ordinary God fearing Americans like you and I are, in most situations, healthy.  We join the Republican party.  We go to Church every Sunday.  We have straight baby producing sex (but wait until we are married).  However.  Add some sexy Gays into our close proximity, and we just can’t help ourselves.  Its like putting pile after pile of cheesy burrito pizza pies in front of a thin man.  How can he resist?  Gay sex is that basic.  God, who wants us not to be Gay, made us so that we can all become Gay at the drop of a hat.  What other reason could Mark Smith possibly have for worrying about “that sort of tension”?

This leads into the second part of the problem.  Sex is too great a distraction for any discipline which requires rigorous concentration.  That’s why we need to go beyond keeping homosexuals and women out of the armed forces.  We need them out of government, health care, and any other essential function that requires concentration.  After all, if straight men can’t concentrate on manly things like banning immigration and shooting brown people, what hope is there for America?  The mere existence of the word sodomy is enough to make the most devout Bush supporter’s little redeemer stand at attention.

This is why need to jealously guard our little soldiers by keeping our troops straight, manly, and focused on winning the war.

(We might want to cut off news access too.  All that depressing media bias could make a soldier want to come home).