Are Gay Soldiers Too Tempting Mr Smith?

Like most red-stated Americans, pundit Mark Smith is concerned about his latent homosexual libido.  If he were in the military with teh Gays, he is worried he couldn’t stop himself from jumping them for an energetic round of filthy man sex.  And right he is!

The problem is two fold.  On the one hand, ordinary God fearing Americans like you and I are, in most situations, healthy.  We join the Republican party.  We go to Church every Sunday.  We have straight baby producing sex (but wait until we are married).  However.  Add some sexy Gays into our close proximity, and we just can’t help ourselves.  Its like putting pile after pile of cheesy burrito pizza pies in front of a thin man.  How can he resist?  Gay sex is that basic.  God, who wants us not to be Gay, made us so that we can all become Gay at the drop of a hat.  What other reason could Mark Smith possibly have for worrying about “that sort of tension”?

This leads into the second part of the problem.  Sex is too great a distraction for any discipline which requires rigorous concentration.  That’s why we need to go beyond keeping homosexuals and women out of the armed forces.  We need them out of government, health care, and any other essential function that requires concentration.  After all, if straight men can’t concentrate on manly things like banning immigration and shooting brown people, what hope is there for America?  The mere existence of the word sodomy is enough to make the most devout Bush supporter’s little redeemer stand at attention.

This is why need to jealously guard our little soldiers by keeping our troops straight, manly, and focused on winning the war.

(We might want to cut off news access too.  All that depressing media bias could make a soldier want to come home).


5 Responses

  1. Wingers are obsessed with sex.

    Titties, peckers, you name it. That’s all they think about.

  2. Alright so let’s get on with another misguided view:

    All of us “Bible-thumpers” go around with signs like “ban-the-homos” and screaming at them that they are going to hell.

    I must be an outsider to my own world because I have never met a REAL Christian who does this.

  3. Christopher,
    As usual, spot on.

    Not all “bible-thumpers”. But sure, plenty do. Since I started working at my new job in DC, I’ve been treated to a smorgasbord of religious activism and propaganda. One such treat was the giant van that driving around the district.

    The problem is these people consider themselves “REAL” Christians, and the media takes them at their word. Are they? I think it is always arguable when someone advocates hate whether they are truly following any sort of spiritual discipline, or a particular religion. While you may look to people of similar principle, others might find solace and companionship in hate, and still consider themselves quite legitimate.

    In any case, it is against this group I am railing, not all Christians in general. I have a strong opposition to any religious group that tries to use the spiritual as a means to espouse hatred. I have a great deal of respect for those who use the spiritual path to help people towards its end. Not tolerance. Not even acceptance. Love. That is always beautiful and inspiring, whatever the source.

  4. Well then you and I are on the exact same page. That is why our English teacher started this blog, so we can show the world what Christians are really like.
    Because I have checked and hate is not mentioned as an attribute God wants us to have.

  5. Pardon the expression then, but Hell Yes!

    Well done, and good luck showing the world Christianity based on love.

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